Snowy Morning

I was awakened before dawn by my furry little live-ins for their ceremonial can of tuna, as usual. I saw that I had left the front outside light on and noticed it was raining -- wait a minute, that's too slow for rain! YIPPIE!

Many thoughts this morning. I looked at a hickory tree in my yard the other day and all the dead leaves yet fallen caught my eye. It was as if the dilapidated thoughts brought into full bloom were those clinging leaves, and behind them I could see the frame of the tree itself. Winter does this I think, tears away the unnecessary, shocks the frivolous and brings an awareness of our bones. In this moment I wish for a deep, cold winter, one that draws me close to people when they're there and closer to myself when they're not. It tempts me to say "may all the dead fall away and leave only the Truth behind!" And perhaps I'll say just that, yet it begs me recognize the gift of it all, the entire year of seasons.

We all have a bit of this restlessness, I think. We've been told for so long "more more more, the more you have the better you are," it stirs up a race within us that is ran like greyhounds on crack. With one step back, however, we see that they're just going in circles and getting nowhere... and that's not even a real rabbit!

I was reading last night in a book called "Learning from Light," written by a hospice doctor John Lerma. He was attending to one of the Roswell insiders, Colonel Marshall Bradfield, was dying. What I expected was some never-heard-before revelation -- which it probably had for most people but I've looked deeply into the topic -- and actually that's exactly what I got. It wasn't the secret of anti-gravity or verification of X-flies lore, it was rather an insight from the edge of death. The great majority of people dying experience interaction with angels, dead relatives and other spirits in the weeks approaching their transition. Many have a life review where they see all they have done with perfect clarity and new reason. A book is opened within the person and spiritual truths are read from their hearts, as plainly as from some sacred page.

What I gleaned from this has been one of the most impacting pieces of knowledge I've ever come across. Here are some excerpts in hopes that they will elicit the same in you. It is important to preface this with some knowledge about how this person sees God. Though this Overseer has some resemblance to the one in the Bible, a conversation I will omit for length reveals that there is no such thing as eternal damnation. It's been absolutely ridiculous to me for some time, an all-knowing being would have the devil's guest list already made out before the PLANET was even created, much less our birth, so to breathe life into existence would be to sentence some of your beloved creations to certain eternal suffering. Ridiculous. Anyway, the colonel, Marsh, said it this way:

"Fortunately, God has a plan for even those lost souls. He will never forget anyone. There is something sad about choice though. While someone is lost in their created hell, the same rules apply. In other words, if these people choose to experience anger, hatred, or sadness, they will fall deeper and deeper into their own snare. The only way out is to feel some bit of compassion or love for someone else. Since nothing stays the same, one will continuously be maturing in whatever emotion they opt
for."

So clear, and for once something meshes nicely with the Bible tales of crazy hater -- should I capitalize that? I'll probably be sent to hell if I don't! ::insert hysterical laughter here::

So here's the excerpt:

Several days before his departure from this world, Marsh began to discuss how
the angels were guiding him toward closure. Marsh explained that his compulsive
personality made it difficult to accept his disease process. He wanted to know
how and why it happened and what he needed to claim victory. As a soldier, Marsh
viewed every obstacle in life as a battle. He had it in his mind to be
victorious once more. He told me the following day he had learned his victory
was beyond this world and, had he known what was shown to him by the angels, he
would have lived his life
less compulsive and anxious.

"Will you tell me more about your life review?" [the author speaking]

"Dr. Lerma, had I truly believed where I was going after this
world, I would have lived a life less compulsive and anxious. I would have lived
it more fully and with
less worry."

"Why would you worry less?"

"Because God and his angels are continuously, and I mean
continuously, watching out for us. I never knew how intricately balanced and
cared for our lives are. When I was shown the multiple times God saved me from
sure death throughout my life, I knew my cancer was his way of bringing me back
home. I finally understood that we were just passing through this world and on
our way toward a place that dreams are made of. The angels told me that free,
secure, and ecstatic feelings our flying dreams leave us with are very similar
to what it feels like in heaven."

As I thought about what Marsh said, I felt an incredible sadness for God. I wanted so much to make things better. The reality was that I could not force people to change their dark and somber ways. Marsh said the only way to effectively change someone toward love and light was through prayer. Marsh said that God depends highly on our selfless petitions to help our fellow man and his lost souls. I would never view prayer the same.

And neither will I.

One last addition, and I didn't even realize this wasn't mentioned in the book until after it happened. I thought, so why do I not pray for this guy who causes problems at work? And I thought, I should. And so I did. And the floodgates opened. My heart was cleared. I saw that I had an interest in his not getting better, for if he got fired, I would make more money. All of this reasoning became clear as glass as did my mind. So foolish to rely on reasoning when I have seen the results of relying on Power itself, Virtue itself, God even. Then I read this line: "The only way out is to feel some bit of compassion or love for someone else," and realized that's what I had done, only completely this time and with action.